Lawyers
The Right Lawyer Can Make or Break Your Case. Choose Wisely.
Do your research—and do a lot of it. Join local Facebook groups focused on divorce in your county, check out Meetup support groups, and explore Substack posts from others who’ve been through it. Divorce isn’t something anyone plans for, and it can feel overwhelming. Don’t go it alone—reach out for support, community, and trusted referrals.
What to Look for in a Good Divorce & Custody Lawyer
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Understands High-Conflict and Parental Alienation
Has experience with false allegations, alienation, and manipulative opposing parties.
Knows how to navigate complex dynamics with minors’ counsel, evaluators, supervised visitation, etc.
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Strategic but Ethical
Won’t escalate for no reason—but won’t roll over either.
Can explain options clearly (litigation vs. settlement vs. protective measures).
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Respected in the Local Court
Familiar with judges, minors’ counsel, local evaluators, and court culture.
Ask: “How often have you appeared before Judge [X]?” or “What’s your experience with custody cases in this county?”
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Transparent About Billing
Gives you written billing practices.
Explains retainers, hourly rates, and what happens when funds run low.
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Listens to You
Doesn’t interrupt, dismiss, or steamroll you.
Asks good questions, takes notes, and treats your trauma seriously.
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Accessible
Sets realistic expectations about response times, but actually responds.
Has a paralegal or assistant you can reach for basic questions.
Tips When Interviewing Lawyers
Experience + Qualifications
How long have you been practicing family law, specifically divorce and child custody cases?
Look for lawyers with a substantial background in family law and divorce, especially those with expertise in child custody issues. An attorney's years of experience and courtroom experience are critical factors to consider.
Do you specialize in divorce and custody matters, or is it a part of a broader practice?
Ideally, you want a lawyer who focuses primarily on family law, which indicates a deeper understanding of the field's nuances.
Have you handled cases similar to mine, including the complexities involved?
For instance, if your case involves complex asset division or a high-conflict custody dispute, ensure the attorney has a track record of success in handling such matters.
Are you familiar with this jurisdiction's local court system, judges, and typical procedures?
Knowledge of local courts and judges can significantly impact a case's strategy and outcome.
Do you have any certifications or specialized training in family law or related fields, such as mediation or alternative dispute resolution?
Will anyone else in your office be working on my case, and what is their experience level?
You should inquire about who will be handling your case and ensure their experience aligns with your expectations.
Can you provide references from past clients who had similar cases?
Speaking with former clients can offer valuable insights into the lawyer's working style and how they handle cases.
LEGAL STRATEGY + APPROACH
What is the initial assessment of the case, and what legal options are available?
It's important to seek a lawyer who offers realistic assessments of possible outcomes and is candid about potential challenges. Avoid lawyers who make unrealistic guarantees.
How will spousal support (alimony) and the division of marital assets and debts be handled?
Understand how spousal support is determined in your state and how property division laws will apply to your case.
What approach do you recommend for my situation: mediation, negotiation, or litigation?
An attorney's preferred approach should align with your goals and the specific circumstances of your divorce.
What is the plan for resolving conflicts if the spouse is uncooperative or if an agreement cannot be reached through negotiation?
Inquire about strategies for resolving disagreements and whether they are prepared to represent you in court if necessary.
A lawyer’s strategy shapes everything—how they fight, when they settle, and how they handle pressure. If their approach doesn’t match your needs, it could cost you more than just money. Choose someone whose game plan fits your reality.
How will child custody and visitation issues be approached in the case?
Inquire about how courts determine custody in your state, the factors influencing custody decisions, and whether a parenting plan can be negotiated outside of court.
What are the potential best-case and worst-case scenarios for the case?
A reputable lawyer should outline the range of possible outcomes to help manage expectations.
Are any specific actions that can be taken or avoided to strengthen the case?
Ask for advice on gathering important documents, communicating with your spouse, and any other relevant steps.
What Will This Cost Me?
What is your hourly rate, and do you require a retainer fee upfront?
Understand their fee structure, whether it's an hourly rate or a flat fee, and the retainer amount required.
Are there additional costs to anticipate, such as court filing fees, expert witness fees, or document preparation expenses?
Clarify all potential costs to avoid unexpected financial surprises.
Do you offer payment plans or other flexible payment arrangements?
If needed, inquire about payment options that can help manage the financial burden of legal fees.
What is your estimate of the total cost for my divorce case?
While it's difficult to provide an exact figure, a reputable attorney should offer a realistic range based on the case's complexity. Be wary of unrealistically low estimates.
How will you help me understand the tax implications of the divorce settlement?
Divorce can have significant financial and tax consequences, so it's important to understand how they will affect your future.
Does the firm have experience with high-conflict or high-asset divorces?
If your situation involves complex issues or significant assets, ensure the lawyer has the expertise to handle them.
Do you have any referrals to financial advisors, therapists, or other professionals who could help me during this process?
A good lawyer may be able to connect you with other professionals who can provide support and guidance.
Beware of Red Flags
Talks Over You or Minimizes Your Concerns
“That’s not relevant.”
“You’re too emotional.”
“Let’s not go down that road.”
If they don’t take you seriously during the consultation, they won’t in court.
Refuses to Put Things in Writing
Won’t explain the retainer or won’t send a written agreement
Huge risk for billing surprises and future disputes.
Doesn’t Know Your County’s Family Court System
“I usually practice in a different county…”
Local knowledge is everything—judges, mediators, clerks, and opposing counsel can shape outcomes.
Also, never hire an attorney who isn’t specialized in family law. An attorney whose practice area is a little bit of everything is not a good attorney
Promises a Win
“I guarantee full custody.”
No ethical lawyer guarantees results. Confidence is fine; certainty is not.
Pressures You to Settle or Give Up Too Early
“Just agree to it, it’s not worth the fight.”
A good lawyer helps you choose your battles—not surrender your rights.
Treats Your Case Like Just Another File
Rushes you out of consults, mixes up names, and doesn’t remember key facts.
You need an advocate, not a factory.
Attorney Wall of Shame
If Your Attorney
or
The Opposing Party’s Attorney Was
any of the following: useless, slimy, unethical, lazy, pompous, arrogant, rude, incompetent, dishonest, insensitive, dismissive, greedy, full of sh*t, immature, bribing, or corrupt.
Then, do your part and share them with us. We will post them on the Wall of Shame. Just give us a few sentences describing your encounter and what made them worthy of our red-hot Wall of Shame.
“My lawyer brought in a forensic accountant. She worked for two weeks, charged a few grand, and came back with this groundbreaking revelation: “Your husband owns a construction company.” Then she added, “It’s one of the easiest industries to hide money in.” Gee, thanks. It felt less like expert analysis and more like a paid referral in the family court hustle—everyone scratching each other’s backs while billing you into oblivion.”
— Newbury Park, California
“My husband’s lawyer was one of the best lawyers in town. I’m sure she was paid a lot. I’m even more certain my ex wasn’t the one paying. The money flows where the narccism grows. His parents were paying for ALL of it. I couldn’t see his new girlfriend agreeing to spend that much on our divorce, no way. She took her time responding, began to repeat my ex’s lies like they were fact, and would stand by my ex’s side even while he was breaking court orders, when he constantly did.
— Chico, California